Laughter through tears and April Showers bring May Flowers

"Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion"--Truvy, Steel Magnolias

"April Showers bring May Flowers"--Every teacher at Parker Elementary School (except Maybe Mrs. Houpt, the PE teacher)

"Weeping may last for the night, but Joy comes in the morning."--God

In a few days it will be a month since my Mama, aka "The pretty one" went home.  It was, as many people said, "expected".  After all, she has battled Alzheimer's Disease for nearly 20 years, why should it be such a shock?  Well, I have learned one thing...No matter how ready we think we are, we aren't.  Mama's bags had been packed for awhile, and she was probably the most ready one of the bunch.  I learned another thing...sitting and waiting and watching has its benefits.  Being with family and remembering the life we are escorting to eternity can be wonderful.  We laughed, got along, cried, and kept watch.  On the morning she left us and woke up in Jesus' arms, I was exhausted from crying, and from somewhere deep inside me, I thought that the world would never be the right again.  Although I didn't talk to Mom everyday, or despite the fact that we hadn't been able to have a heart-to heart conversation in a very long time, I still missed my Mama and  I still felt very alone.

But, as the family members and friends gathered, and each took their role, there was laughter through tears as each person remembered "Gram, Mom, Mama, Mimi or Georgie" in their own way. Babies, were held, hugs were passed around, and love was shared. " Laughter through tears" is definitely a favorite emotion of mine, too, Truvy."

The end of April turned out to be exceedingly rainy, and a little cool.  It suited my mood.  Upon returning home, I felt detached, sad, sleepy, angry (why, I don't know) and chilled to the bone. I snapped at people I loved, quit exercising and kept looking at the world through April's tears.

This past weekend, Some rest came and some time to relax. Laughter began to return, and Monday morning I went for a long walk.  The sun was up when I left home a little before 6:00 am.  I was immediately hit by the luxurious smells of the Southern Summer: Lagustrum in full bloom and magnolias just beginning to bloom, honeysuckle and confederate Jasmine everywhere, too.  The first thing I did was thank God  that I didn't have allergy issues, and the second thing I did was to take a deep breath and inhale all the way to my toes.  My senses came alive, and I realized that April Showers do give way to May flowers, and that it takes the April's rains to make the majestic beauty of May, that for me, it took the tears of April to feel the warmth of the May sunshine encompass me

So, was I ready to let her go?  No, Do I feel as though I am alone? No.  I have the calm reassurance once again that Laughter through tears is good, May flowers are majestic and that Joy really does come in the morning.

How do you describe one week?

Holy Week has always been a precious time to me.  When I say always, I mean it.  Some of my earliest memories are of carrying palm branches down the isle with all of the other children in my church and singing "Hosanna in the highest!".  I remember sitting in the dark on Good Friday, and I remember the smell of the lilies and fresh cut flowers on Easter Sunday.

No matter what is going on in my life during this special week each year,  there is a part of me that just "feels more".  When I hear a "rustle" in the trees, I can see palm branches and Jesus triumphal entry.
When I see people enjoying a meal, I think of how He must have felt doing the ordinary things of life that week knowing it would be his last time on earth to do them. When it was time for Passover how very heart-wrenching it must have been for Him, sharing that meal with His disciples, knowing He was the completion of the promise God made so long ago.  The complete redemption.  One year I drove by a construction site and heard the hammering of nails, and  wept ....just remembering.   When I take communion on Maundy Thursday it means so much more than bread and juice...it means that He completed the task, the sacrifice is complete. When It storms, I think of how the sky turned black and the veil was torn.  Would I have been scared like the disciples and hid, or been brave like the women and stayed at Jesus' feet....  hmmmm.

This year has been a year of trials and blessings. Joys and sorrows...   New life in our family, new challenges, new beginnings and running through it all,  there is hope and joy.  Why?  Because Jesus went before us, He took the bitter cup, survived betrayal, trial, the pounding of nails, the crown of thorns, death, a tomb and then, finally resurrection!! HE defeated death, darkness and the power it holds over us--- death doesn't get the final say!

Holy week to me is a time to remember, and in some small way, walk that road from Jerusalem on Sunday with the Palm branches, through the pain of remembering the Last Supper Passover meal, to sensing the agony of Good Friday and the cross and finally to feel the power of the Resurrection so strongly in my heart and in my life that there is no room for doubt, darkness or shadows...Just the Joy of my risen Jesus!

Even Angels Can

This one is a little longer than my usual posts.  It is a short story that I submitted to a contest, and was not accepted, but it is a little bit of Hamilton family history:

Happy Sunday, Everyone

Even Angels Can’t Look Sometimes!

            We were about to embark on the most exhausting season of our lives. It

was late June 1994, and our young family had decided on a beach vacation to our

 favorite set of cabins in Cape San Blas, Fla., but a couple of days before we were

to leave, we noticed a tropical storm churning in the Gulf of Mexico that was

headed straight for our destination. Ugh! we had taken a week’s vacation,

packed for 3 young children, made all the necessary preparations, it was the

appointed time to leave and here we were staring at the Weather Channel.

             By the next morning, Tropical Storm Alberto appeared to fizzle out as it

moved northward.  We were so excited that we threw our kids and our gear in

the car, and not wanting to waste another day, took off for the three hour drive

south at warp speed.

            One of the reasons that we loved this beach so was that it was virtually

uninhabited and had very little cell phone reception.  We had a perfect week

 of wonderful weather and great memories with our children.  We mentioned

over and over that we didn’t know what we had done to deserve such a blessed

life. Little did we know what was ahead.

            We headed home on a Saturday afternoon, and as my husband was

Searching for an Atlanta Braves Game on the radio, we heard frantic weather

warnings about shelters and preparations for homes and animals in nearby areas.

We noticed that all of the ditches were full and that there had been a lot of rain.

We couldn’t figure it out.  The sky was blue, not even a cloud, what was going on?

Surely it didn’t involve us!

             We arrived home and as we unpacked and had supper and got the boys

settled in I noticed the answering machine:  over 25 messages!  Wow!  What had

we missed?  I listened to a few, but they were all the same, “Are you okay?  How

bad is it going to get?”, “Call us!”  Then I got a little alarmed.  We turned on the

weather channel to see what was up.   It had begun to rain….and rain…

            Apparently, Tropical Storm Alberto did not give up so easily.  He rambled

through Southeast Alabama and Southwest Georgia and dumping 21 inches of

rain in 24 hours in our area and a total of 27 inches of rain would fall before he

was finished wreaking havoc.  Widespread flooding was predicted when the

rivers crested even without the additional rain expected.  Having not been home

for all of the rain, it was hard to imagine that this was not just a scare.  I went to

the grocery store to stock up and since we lived more than a mile from the river

we weren’t worried. But, I got to the grocery store and was unprepared for the  

mass chaos!  I grew up in a coastal area and was familiar with bracing for storms,

but this was crazy.  There was nothing on the shelves and people were fighting

over milk, bread and toilet paper.

            The next morning, we awoke to the sound of the back up beeps on heavy

equipment coming from behind our street.  It continued all morning.  My

husband was off, so I went to work and left everyone sleeping.  Then, the

nightmare began.  As I arrived, there was this persistent rushing sound

underscoring the sound of the heavy equipment.

I directed a day program for adults with developmental delays.  As my clients

began arriving, they were very anxious about the “storm” and the “big flood”.

Almost as soon as they arrived, we were told to evacuate the building.   My co-

worker and I scrambled to get their transportation needs met, and get them back

home and as we loaded the last bus, and as I stepped around back, I saw it.  

Flood water crossing the parking lot… not a wall of water, but a steady constant

ankle deep stream showing no signs of slowing down…not even a little bit. I

hurried the two blocks home and told my husband what I had seen, we stepped

outside, heard the dull but constant roaring of the water and realized that the

heavy equipment trucks were earth movers shoring up levees and river banks. 

We sprung into action, placing furniture and valuables up high, putting things in

the attic, loading the car, trying not to panic three bright and inquisitive young

boys .As both vehicles were loaded, we took another walk up to the highway and

saw the water less than a block away, then returned home and saw it

approaching our back yard.  We hugged each other, and returned inside and

prayed. 

            Not too much later we heard mandatory evacuation order for our street.

We agreed it was time to go.  The Boys, the dog, the important papers and I piled

in our mini van where  Marty hugged me and said, “I’m right behind you”, I just

need to close up a few things.”  With a look that said so much more.

            We set out for our friend Debbie’s house, our safe place across town, all of

us in stunned silence, even Shadow the dog (highly unusual!).  Marty wasn’t right

behind me.  It was about 3:00pm, when I arrived at Debbie’s.  Four o’clock came

and went, no Marty. We were only 10 minutes from Debbie and Milton’s with

traffic.  Five o’clock came, no Marty.  Then, at about 5:30, our friend Bobbie called

and said that Marty was with Her husband Jim, Jim had brought a boat and they

were loading up what they could and taking it to some storage that Jim had

available. It was then that I shed my first tears of relief, and hurt and panic and

fear.  It was also then, that the magnitude of the kindness of others was vividly

impressed again on me as an adult. In less than 48 hours, we had gone from very

blessed vacationers to a homeless family depending on the kindness of others. 

Later that afternoon, another dear friend in harm’s way and her family came to

Debbie’s house to stay.  It later turned out that their home was spared. As it grew

dark, the sound of helicopters grew closer,  Sirens were everywhere, and still no

Marty.  As we watched the news we learned that this was one of the greatest

natural  disasters of the 90’s .  The dams broke, the town of Albany was not only

flooded, but divided as the bridges over the river that separated the two parts of

town were compromised.  Lives were lost and thousands were homeless. The

National  Guard was called in, FEMA was on their way,  and President Clinton was

coming in to survey the disaster.  Marty and Jim finally arrived at around 10:00

pm,   wet, and exhausted.  I had never been so glad to see two people in my life.

Marty and I went to kiss the boys goodnight and I asked him the question whose

answer I already knew; “Is it gone?” He said “Yes, the water was coming in

when I left.”   We went to sleep that night thankful for our little family, for our

friends and not sure what to do next. The next eight days were a blur.  The next

morning, Debbie woke me, and told me that her teenage daughter would be

caring for the boys and took me to a shelter where we were to help serve a meal

 to others who were in need.    Marty was in state law enforcement and as all

those in helping positions were called to action I barely saw him for the next eight

days. He later told me many of the difficult tasks he was doing.

            Not only was our home submerged, but my place of work was also

under water.  I worked for a large agency, so I was able to fill in at other locations

and departments as many employees were unable to come to work and some

 parts of town were impassable.  I remember thinking that daily life was like

walking through jello.  I drew strength from our friends and family.  Each day, one

of us would drive by the house and get as close as possible, and wait for the water

to recede. I remember getting a FEMA number to register our family as flood

victims, my new routine involved getting tetanus shots for our family, before we

returned to our home, waiting in line for copies of records that I did not take with

me, trying to find a temporary place to live as soon as possible, going to church,

and trying to make things seem like an adventure for our sons.  I remember one

afternoon, I took them to the movie to see the Lion King as it had just been

released.  It was dark, they were engaged, and I could cry alone for a solid two

hours!

            Finally, the water around town began to recede and we were able to get to

our home.  Nothing could have prepared us for what we saw.  Not only was there

flood water, but a sewer pumping station nearby had backed up covering our

neighborhood in raw sewage. We stood together looking at what we had spent

the last 11 years accumulating, things that were once valuable to us, and there

they sat, covered with mold, mildew and sewage.  What we had wouldn’t have

been much to anyone else, but to us, it was part of our identity, or so we

thought.  We had survived a flood, we were intact, the five of us.  Living,

breathing, laughing, crying, and we didn’t “need” a single thing in that house.

            We ventured out into the backyard, and were surveying the damage and

then we saw it…in the back left corner of the yard was a rose garden that I had

faithfully tended and my husband so carefully picked out each bush.  The roses

were dead, but in the center was a concrete angel, she had survived and was in

the same place, but she had one addition, one of the boys’ plastic batting

helmets floated around the yard and ended up right on the top of her head,

covering both of her eyes!  The joy of being blessed returned in the instant we

saw that silly angel.  We laughed...the laugh of those who had survived something

awful and had lived to tell about it.  We laughed because we would all be okay,

because life does go on, because the junk in the house that we once treasured

really didn’t matter.  What mattered were us. What mattered was the kindness

and love we had been shown by friends and family and strangers alike. Things do

get better and in the midst of it you are carried.  There is still good in the world

and, Yes, God does have a sense of humor, and I am so glad He chose to use an

angel in a red baseball helmet to reveal it to us!

            It’s been 18 years now; My husband went into full time ministry just a few

years after the flood.  We have made five moves since then.  The angel is still

with us, she is missing a wing now, but she serves as a constant reminder of all

that we learned in our backyard on a hot July day when she was adorned with a

red helmet!

"It just goes to show ya...."

When I was young and sassy, one of my favorite characters was "Roseanne Rosannadanna"  played by Gilda Radner of the original Saturday Night Live gang.  She was a very spunky nerd!  She really didn't care if she wore funny clothes, talked loud, had absurd observations about people and here is where I related to her the most:  She had really big, really frizzy hair!  I felt such a kinship with this off beat girl and one of the things I loved about her the most was that she closed every  skit with,
"It just goes to show ya...It's always something!"


When she said, " It just goes to show ya...", It reminds me of all the times that I thought I had it right, The times I just knew what I knew and what I knew was right.  Case in point:  I just thought I knew how much my husband loves me, but in recent months, I have learned that I didn't know at all, he loves me infinitely more than I could have ever imagined! " It just goes to show ya" how wrong I've been.  "It just goes to show ya..." that family is family and love abounds.  It grows and with it are more opportunities to love and to learn.  I am so blessed....


It just goes to show ya..I thought that my heart was so full when I was a young mother.  My husband, my boys and I, but Roseanne was right again, It just goes to show ya that there is so much more, My heart is about to burst somedays when I think of how full my life is with children and grandchildren, and wonderful daughters-in-law...

I thought I knew when life would begin and end...but wrong again, "It just goes to show ya" .  About a year ago, I wrote a blog about my mother's pending death.  But she is still here.  See, I'm not God, I'm not always right, and only He knows when she is ready to go.  Why?  probably to show me something about life, or saying goodbye, or softening my heart, or bringing our family closer to her, but I'm learning that I am not nearly as smart as I thought I was."


As she also said

It is always something!  There is always the next thing. We think we have one area of our lives settled in and then, there is something else.  It may be a good something or a trying something, but there is" always something".  Throughout my entire life, I just wished for normal and peaceful, but often that was not to be..but looking back, those "always somethings" have resulted in a multitude of blessings!  That is where life happens, the "always somethings". No, you didn't plan a job loss, but you learn something along the way, No you didn't plan an illness, but God is there in the "always somethings",  and that is where we learn. And pretty soon what remains is not the pain, but the lessons that define our character and become a part of the fiber of our being. 

There are also "always somethings" that just teach us not to take ourselves too seriously.  Like getting your skirt stuck in your underpants after you go to the bathroom and walking around that way.
Or getting your words tangled up and forgetting the words to the "Star Spangled banner" as a soloist  or  wearing two different shoes to work...It's always somthing.  One of her sayings was "It just goes to show ya, its either a fingernail in your hamburger or toilet paper clinging to your shoe"  Neither one of those were life threating, gross..yes...less than sanitary, yes.....downright funny later (the TP on the shoe, anyway), of course!

SO, not to trivialize hardships, and not to make light of our wounded pride, I just wanted to throw this out there, when its so easy to make small things big and big things bigger:

Rosanne Rosannadanna, you got it right, Girl!

Past the Elves on the shelves, and the ipads, and "more pixels"...

In these days of shopping on line and getting most of my information from cyberspace, or in a sedentary fashion, it is amazing how isolated and left to my own devices I have become.

I learn what's cool by seeing "what's trending", I wait eagerly each morning to see what everyone's "elf on the shelf" did last night; I check Pinterest to see what cool things my friends are making, and  I am amazed at what just a few more pixels will do. I am stunned at how much "i deserve", or how much I am worth, in the eyes of advertisers.  I feel like I just sit in front of a screen and receive all of the interaction, affirmation and ideas I need for a successful life without ever actually having to address anyone or anything.  I am truly becoming "the master of my own universe".  I can order online, ship packages and never have to say "Merry Christmas"  to a living soul. Do I really need anyone or anything else?

Then last Friday happened.  Some tortured soul brought an act of violence so unspeakable and so evil into a place of hope and life; a school, and took the lives of 26 people and finally his own life.  What a horrific day for all of us...It reminded us that we are not "the masters of our own universe".  It reminded us that we are certainly not in control of our own destiny and furthermore, we were not created to walk through this world alone.  We are in need of a Savior.  The burdens of this world are to great, the evil is too strong and the nights are too dark to live apart form the comfort of our Savior's arms. We also need the gift of love and encouragement that He gives each of us to share with others.  You don't get that from "more pixels",  or Pinterest, or the newest I-pad.

Many years ago, there was also evil in this world.  The nights were dark and long and the oppression was unspeakable.  People were killed for saying the wrong thing, or not saying the right thing.  They lived in fear of a strong- armed government, and it was then that God decided His people needed a Savior.  He chose a young girl and her carpenter husband to travel a road  many would not have chosen to bring salvation for all of us.  Because of their commitment and obedience, their willingness to give up their rights to be "masters of their own universe," our lives are continually blessed.  Because of that Journey from Nazareth to a stable in Bethlehem there is light in even the darkest corners of this world and in our lives. Evil may have had a foothold for a moment, Satan may have thought he had a victory for a while.  But because of a baby born in a stable who won the ultimate victory, evil did not triumph.  Stories of protection and grace and sacrifice and love poured forth from this horror.  Christ is alive in the hearts of His people.  He is at every funeral, wiping every tear and proving himself faithful in this outpouring of love and grace as people step away from their ipads, and pixels and  cling to the "God of all comfort", and acknowledge the need for a Savior. He is there as He watches His people hold one another close and whisper the words of comfort He gave us so long ago into another's ears.  The burden is too great to handle on our own, and in His arms we find the perfect place to rest and His shoulders the perfect place to place our burdens.

This year, more than ever, I am so grateful for the road Mary and Joseph took, I am so grateful for God's plan to save us that began in a stable. I am so grateful that at the end of it all...victory is won and there will be no more weeping, or sickness or death and Christ Himself will wipe away every tear!

"Silent Night, Holy Night,
Son of God, Love's pure light,
Radiant beams from Thy Holy face,
With the dawn of redeeming grace,
Jesus, Lord at Thy birth,
Jesus, Lord at Thy birth."

Memory Keeper, Memory Maker or both?

This past weekend I did a little "time traveling" and didn't even have to leave home.   Even though  it was "rushing the season" a little, we decided to travel up to the attic and unpack Christmas.  I try to set aside a block of a couple of days to get everything displayed to my liking.  This year, it didn't seem possible to get that much time in one block so I hurriedly set out on my "tasks".  I started out by unpacking the Christmas tree ornaments.  As I unpacked the first few ornaments, they were trendy and new,  and my chore went by pretty mindlessly.  Then, the family tree.  As I unpacked each ornament, it was like traveling back to places on the timeline of our lives cherishing and savoring each one.  I remembered how the big bulky lights of my childhood shone on a couple of ornaments that are over the half century mark. I then realized just what a wonderful gift my husband gave to me by preserving these treasures in the face of a flood.  He is a true "memory keeper".  I looked at the ornaments that we purchased for our first tree, the ornaments we purchased each year of our children's lives, and now, ornaments that denote our grandchildren's lives. For the myriad of ornaments given by children and families I was blessed to serve over the years, those given by the friends and families we have been blessed to minister to and live life with. Gifts from special friends and special locations. I remembered making a lot of memories along the way, days and weeks of Christmas through eyes other than mine, I remember life being so busy that the end of the day in front of the tree was a priceless treasure. There were broken ornaments along the way (I broke two this year), but just thinking about the memories and moments held in the little pieces of resin, cloth and glass that remain make me proud to be "memory keeper"
Maybe I did things backwards this year, but maybe not.  Putting up my tree before Thanksgiving gave a new perspective to the things I am most Thankful for:  for the glimpses of Christmases past, for the reminders of friendship and God's hand in our lives, and for memories yet to be made.  These ornaments are a sign or a monument to the goodness of a God who has intricately woven reminders of His gifts of love in our lives into one place (a tree), to point us to His greater gift, His Son who was all to familiar with a very different kind of tree. 

Christmas before Thanksgiving?  Maybe so. Thankful for memories kept and made and for the One who gives all good and perfect gifts.


                                                                                                                                                     

..Another year

I tend to measure the years of my life not by birthdays, but by anniversaries.  This week marked 29 years of marriage to my husband.  I have been married over half my life and there are days that I can hardly remember life "B.U. (before us)". This has been a unique year for us personally, with lots of challenges and joys and bumps and tears and smiles...and another year together.

Our years together have been anything but boring,  but as we have traveled this life together there are so many things I have learned:

Trust-That life is so much sweeter when there is one person who always has your back, that you can trust completely and in turn you learn to be that Safe Haven for your mate as well.

Faith- You may think that its "you and me against the world".  Most couples start out that way, us included.  But it didn't take very long to realize that "you and me" can't do a darn thing by ourselves.  If God isn't in the mix, it either won't last for long, or it's much harder that God intended for it to be.

Hope- The days when you can't see hope are the hardest of all. Be an encourager to your mate.  Very rare are the times when you are both discouraged, so do your best to show hope to your mate and let him or her do the same for you.  When you are both without hope, remember there is Faith. Where there is Faith there is hope and where there is hope, there should be Faith.

Nothing, no nothing is ever as bad as it seems.  There are days that are horrible, and black and bleak and dark, you think that you will never laugh or smile again, but you will! And you have really found the secret if you can laugh through your pain.  Not to minimize the hurts in anyway.  There are some things that happen to us in life that are complete "game changers" like loss of health, loss of a job or a career, loss of a loved one, a move, family discord.  It is hard to find joy when these are the things we struggle through, but Jesus told us in this life we will have struggles. How we handle them together are Historic markers along the highway we travel together.

Family comes first.  We were given each other, we are blessed beyond measure with a family.  Never forget that they come first. Jobs are important, ministry is important, people are important, but family is forever.  The way we love our families says a lot about who we are.  There is always room for improvement, forgiveness, love and grace. Teach your children to love and to give love

Joy.  Look for joy in everything. Seek laughter and peace. Living in strife and conflict is hard and thoroughly exhausting.  Laughter with loved ones is the closest to heaven we will get on this earth. Joy is not circumstantial, it is a state of being.  I have lived in both, I choose Joy!


Okay, so I have stepped into my husband's territory, I have skipped blogging and begun preaching.  But, as I mark another year of marriage, going farther away from "BU", I desire more and more time with my love. When we married, I gave him not only my hand but my heart, after all these years, I am so grateful that I did because I know that both are safe with him...

Traveling on.....